my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
