Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I faked an abortion last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
