I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
