you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
