Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
