Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
