I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
