I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
