How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
