Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
