i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
