How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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