This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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