your parents love me but you hate me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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