I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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