do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
