this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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