I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
