I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
3 2 1 whiskey
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
