apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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