You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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