Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
