She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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