My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
