Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
