if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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