Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
