I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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