THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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