Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
