I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize