Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
