I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
