Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
