I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize