i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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