Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
