I'm really into asian looking animals
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
