i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
