My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
