yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
