So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
