you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
