it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
