Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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