I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
