Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
