Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
