I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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