I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
